Supporting Your Neurodivergent Child’s Non-Verbal Communication

Through the Lens of DIRFloortime®

When we think about communication, we often focus on words. But long before children speak their first words—or even if they never do—non-verbal communication is already shaping how they relate to the world. From a loving glance to a shared giggle, non-verbal cues are often a child’s first way of expressing needs, feelings, and interests. For many neurodivergent children, especially autistic children, these non-verbal moments may develop differently—but they remain just as meaningful. Using the DIRFloortime® approach, we can support and strengthen these vital skills through relationship-based, playful, and child-led interactions.

First - What Is Non-Verbal Communication?

Non-verbal communication includes all the ways we express ourselves without using words. This can include:

• Facial expressions (smiling, frowning)

• Eye contact or gaze shifting

• Gestures (waving, pointing)

• Body language (leaning in, turning away)

• Tone of voice or vocal sounds (even without words)

• Physical proximity or touch

These are the building blocks of social interaction and emotional connection—especially in early development.

Why Is Non Verbal Communication So Important?

Non-verbal communication is so much more than gestures or facial expressions—it’s how we begin to connect as humans long before words emerge. From infancy onward, we use our bodies, faces, and voices to share attention, express emotions, and build relationships.

For neurodivergent children, non-verbal communication is not just a developmental milestone—it’s often a lifeline to connection, especially when spoken language may be delayed or processed differently. Understanding and supporting non-verbal communication is critical for emotional development, learning, and building a strong sense of self.

Let’s explore why this skill matters so deeply:

1. It’s the Foundation of Human Connection

Long before a child speaks, they are already communicating. A newborn turns their head toward a familiar voice. A toddler lights up when a parent smiles. These are non-verbal social exchanges—and they form the earliest bonds between child and caregiver.

Non-verbal cues like eye gaze, body orientation, tone of voice, and facial expressions lay the groundwork for:

• Emotional bonding and trust

• Social reciprocity (back-and-forth interaction)

• Shared attention, which is critical for learning

Without these early non-verbal exchanges, it becomes harder for a child to engage in co-regulation—the process of feeling emotionally safe and supported through connection with others.

2. It’s a Key Part of Communication—Even for Verbal Children

Communication is only partly verbal. In fact, research suggests that up to 70% of human communication is non-verbal. For children who speak fluently but still struggle socially (as is often the case with autism or ADHD), difficulty interpreting or using non-verbal signals can lead to misunderstandings, frustration, or isolation.

For example:

• A child might speak in full sentences but not notice when someone looks confused or disinterested.

• They might miss the emotional tone in a conversation or struggle to adjust their body language in different social settings.

This isn’t a matter of rudeness or disinterest—it’s often rooted in neurological differences in how the brain processes social information. Supporting non-verbal communication helps these children become more attuned to others’ perspectives and social cues—without demanding masking or conformity.

3. It Builds the Skills for Regulation, Problem Solving, and Independence

In the DIRFloortime® model, non-verbal communication is tied to a child’s ability to regulate, engage, and think flexibly—the first building blocks of development. Before a child can negotiate or solve a problem, they need to:

• Notice another person

• Feel safe enough to stay regulated

• Share attention and intention

• Send and receive signals (with or without words)

If a child can gesture to ask for help, or look at you for reassurance, they’re already using non-verbal tools to solve problems and manage their emotional world. These abilities eventually support skills like collaboration, empathy, and executive functioning.

4. It Honors the Individual Child’s Communication Style

Not all communication looks the same—and it doesn’t have to. Many neurodivergent children communicate in beautiful, subtle, and unconventional ways: a flick of the fingers, a sparkle in the eyes, a rhythmic movement that invites you into their world.

When we focus on non-verbal communication, we shift away from trying to make a child “talk more” or “behave typically,” and instead learn to listen on their terms.

DIRFloortime® encourages us to tune into each child’s unique way of being. We use observation, curiosity, and emotional presence to find the meaning behind their actions—helping them feel understood and respected.

5. It’s a Pathway to Connection, Not Compliance

Many traditional therapies focus on teaching children to perform specific behaviors—like pointing, clapping, or making eye contact—without necessarily understanding why those skills matter. In contrast, non-verbal communication, when approached through relationships instead of routines, becomes a pathway to real connection. When a child looks at you because they want to share joy—not because they were trained to do it—you’ve created the conditions for genuine communication and emotional growth.

Child using gestures to communicate with a book

Simple, Everyday Ways to Support Non-Verbal Skills

Here are a few practical ways to nurture your child’s non-verbal communication—without pressure or prompts, but with curiosity and care:

1. Follow Your Child’s Lead

Rather than directing your child to do something, observe what captures their attention. Are they lining up blocks? Spinning in circles? Watching shadows? Join them! Get down on their level and engage in their interest. This creates shared attention—the foundation of communication.

2. Use Face-to-Face Play

Sit or lie where your child can see your face. Smile, make expressive faces, and use gestures and sounds. Your facial expressions can invite imitation, interaction, and even laughter.

3. Pause and Wait

Give your child time to respond. Whether you’re playing, offering a snack, or just hanging out, leave space for your child to initiate a look, a gesture, or a sound. Even subtle cues matter.

4. Celebrate All Communication

If your child reaches out, looks your way, makes a noise, or uses a gesture—respond with warmth and enthusiasm! These small actions are big steps toward connection.

5. Create Moments, Not Milestones

Rather than focusing on getting your child to perform a skill (like pointing or waving), focus on creating meaningful moments of interaction. That’s where the real learning happens.

How DIRFloortime® Helps

DIRFloortime®—which stands for Developmental, Individual-differences, Relationship-based—is about meeting your child where they are and building upward through emotional connection and play. Non-verbal communication is often the first place DIRFloortime® begins. By attuning to your child’s unique ways of engaging, you’re not just helping them communicate—you’re helping them feel safe, seen, and connected.

Final Thoughts

Every child has something to say—even before they can speak. As a parent, your presence, patience, and playfulness make all the difference. By tuning in to non-verbal cues and responding with love and curiosity, you’re helping your neurodivergent child build the foundation for lifelong connection. And remember: progress doesn’t always look like words. Sometimes, it’s in a glance, a giggle, or a shared moment on the floor.