Why We Focus on Connection First

In DIRFloortime, we often say that connection is the foundation for all development. But what does that really mean and how does it look during a session?

At its heart, DIRFloortime is a relationship-based approach. That means we don’t start with goals, checklists, or performance. We start with the child. We meet them where they are emotionally, developmentally, and playfully build a strong, trusting relationship from there. When a child feels emotionally safe, seen, and valued, they are more open to engagement, communication, and learning. That’s why we begin every session by focusing on connection first.

Why Connection Matters

Connection isn't just about being friendly—it's about building a sense of emotional safety and mutual trust that supports everything else in the developmental process.

Here’s why it’s so important:

• It supports regulation: A connected child is better able to stay calm, recover from distress, and share attention with others.

• It fuels engagement: Children are more likely to interact when they feel understood and respected.

• It opens the door to communication: Shared joy and emotional connection create natural opportunities for back-and-forth interactions.

• It fosters growth across all developmental capacities: From sensory regulation to problem-solving, progress begins with relationship.

  
  

What "Connection First" Looks Like in a Session

Below are a few simple ways connection shows up in a session:

1. Joining, Not Directing

We follow the child’s lead instead of trying to guide them toward a specific task. This builds trust and communicates that their interests matter.

Example: If a child is spinning a toy, instead of stopping them, we might spin one too and say, “Look, mine’s spinning like yours!” From there, we might share smiles, eye contact, or even a playful challenge.

2. Attuning to Emotions

We tune into the child’s emotional state and adjust our energy to match or gently support it.

Example: If a child is calm and quiet, we meet them with soft tones and gentle pacing. If they are full of excitement, we match that joyful energy and join in the fun.

3. Celebrating Initiatives

Any time a child makes a sound, a gesture, a glance, or starts a game it is an invitation. We respond warmly and keep the interaction going.

Example: A child builds a tower and looks at you. We might say, “You built it so tall! You are smiling so big smile. You look proud.” That shared moment builds connection and invites more communication.

4. Repairing Missed Moments

No interaction is okay. What matters is that we notice when a child pulls away and gently reconnect.

Example: If a child turns away after we speak too loudly, we might say, “Oops, that was a bit loud. Let me try again more softly.” This shows we’re listening and adjusting to their needs.

Connection Is Not a Step, It is the Foundation

In DIRFloortime, we don’t treat connection as something to check off before “getting to work.” Connection is the work. It is through relationships that children develop the capacity to stay regulated, think creatively, solve problems, and engage with the world.

When we prioritize connection, we are not just helping children grow, we are helping them feel safe, understood, and truly known.

A Simple Reminder

Whether you are a parent, therapist, or caregiver, here is a helpful question to keep in mind during any interaction:

“Are we connected right now?”If yes, wonderful, keep building. If not, pause, slow down and reconnect. That is where the real progress begins.

~ Because relationships are where growth begins. ~